23.09.2016
When we first met, we were inseparable from the other. My shadow always had the company of yours and our souls would dance from twilight till first light before our bodies collide in slumber. You were my favorite confidant and our endless conversations never fails to amaze me.
However as we grew older, life got in the way, we grew up. Our shadows don't seem to touch anymore instead they were in a constant wild goose chase before they disappear into the night. Our souls stopped gracing in the glory of the skies but replaced with vicious words spewing, dwelling in the "incompetency" of the other. You see, we were never lacking, we were just so in love we fell out of it.
We cared so much that we came crumbling down.
Looking back, I never once thought that I stopped loving you. All these times I kept the fact of my love on my sleeves and at the tip of my tongue, but back then still I never dared admit, this love was changing. I was so unforgivably selfish, unwilling to admit it out loud that my love has changed in afraid of the consequences that I might lose you.
Eventually tho, the demons(anxiety) in me rose and got so strong I created an epidemic of chaos, bad decisions and anger driving myself into an unspoken mental destruction. I kept away from all my friends and people who loved me because I was a ticking time bomb. I did what I do best, destruct and avoid. I made decisions and let you down, blaming on all external factors but I forgot the most important one, me.
Honestly, I don't regret our outcome because I've seen you grow and I'm happier now, (learning to handle and battle my crazy) but I will never forgive myself fully for the way I handled the whole situation. What I did was cruel and pure disgusting, I let my emotions derail and let the people who loved me survive this whole episode of tragedy. I hurt you in the most ironic way of them all.
You are the sweetest and kindest person I know and I will always remember that, you deserve someone so much more than a mere existence of being.
Now, after a year almost two, we can now finally look at each another in the eye and have a normal conversation. I am grateful for this friendship, I am grateful for all our memories and all that we've become. You are the sparkle of my glass heart and with that I leave you, my friend.
My always.