10.02.2017
Cleaning the specks of dust I've left to accumulate over the time I was gone, busy with whatever might have been. To be honest these days are passing so fast I barley grasp the memory of anything, everything feels like a blur.
Maybe it's the medication, maybe it's my mind overworking the possibilities and destruction I've been providing myself with. Lately it feels like I've lost a friend along the way of getting my shit together. The story of who we are or rather what we were has taken a toll and like all good things, it came to an end.
We used to have this connection, or at least for awhile I really believed so. I thought he was different, like he could be my best friend and we could work out the platonic value of "us". We could talk about almost anything under the sun, the car rides, the mini escapades. Unknowingly tho, I triggered what every platonic feared, love. It wasn't the love that shook us really, I made it clear from the start where I was and the position I was in. He understood and graciously stood by my side through my entire chapter of tragic love.
However the mere thought of possession. The thought of wanting someone more than they can give, to grant that person the right to wreck your world, to expect and take the other for granted was probably the only explanation I can give of this defective friendship.
Friends can break your heart too.
I don't know how to make things right, or rather, I don't know whats right anymore. You, if you're reading this, I hope you are well. I'm sorry we never worked out.